Tis' the Season to Get Sloppy

After posting about the struggles the NBA and the Atlanta Hawks have had with attendance this season, I decided that I would come up with a fun way to enjoy tonight's broadcast of the Hawks - Knicks game for all you who are spending your free money on other things. I have come up with a fun drinking game that can be played while watching tonight's game. But remember if you are underage, be very careful not to get caught, do not drink and drive, and when drinking in excess be sure to have a toilet or trash can near by to throw up in. (In all seriousness, if you are underage, do not drink. If you do decide to drink in excess, do have something nearby to puke in. This is very important)

Now on to what can only help you enjoy the absurdity that is the Knicks season, as they enter Philips Arena to do battle with our Atlanta Hawks.

Rule 1: Anytime the announcers mention how perfect a fit Chris Duhon is in Mike D'Antoni's system, take a shot. This is pure Knickerbocker propaganda to try and get their fans to think that what Mike D'Antoni did with Steve Nash, he can do with Chris Duhon. There is a little difference here as Steve Nash has done this and then got to do this the very next year. So take a shot for this comparison between Duhon and Nash, at the extreme absurdity of someone who is in the NBA yet cannot find hotter girls to get pictured with.

Rule 2: Anytime Al Harrington misses a contested shot, take a shot. If the purpose of this game is to get really drunk, well then I think this alone might do the trick. I was going to do something else with Al but then I thought, hmmmm, if we take a shot every time he takes a well advised shot, we might never get to drink. If we take a shot every time he passes the ball to a teammate, we'll be sober AND thirsty by the end. If we take a shot every time he creates a turnover by playing good defense, our liquor would get warm. So it was between a contested shot or every time he turns the ball over, and I decided if it was his turnovers, we might run out of alcohol.

Rule 3: Anytime LeBron James is mentioned without him actually being involved with a play on the court, take a shot. I don't know about you, but I am about as excited for the 2010 Class of Free Agents as Billy is to learn about Chlorophyll. Listen up ESPN, that is 2 YEARS AWAY. I REPEAT, 2 YEARS AWAY. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. I am going to love it when LeBron looks at the Knicks roster and just laughs and says "Fooled you dumbasses, why would I want to play with Chris Duhon as my PG? What? Look what D'Antoni did with Nash, he can do the same with Duhon? I bet now you gonna sell me on the fact that David Lee can get me into all the best clubs in the City. Please. I'm LeBron James. There is no way I am playing with Chris Duhon as my PG and David Lee as my C."

Rule 4: Anytime anyone references Stephon Marbury, take a shot. After you take the shot, punch yourself in the stomach and just for good measure maybe the head too. As much as I do not feel bad for the mess the Knicks are currently in, this feeling of the shot followed by a punch to the stomach and hit to the head is about equal to what Starbury is doing to the organization. In order to talk about another person, they say you need to walk a mile in their shoes. If I am going to talk about the Knicks, I'm gonna need to understand the pain that they are currently feeling while dealing with this nutcase. Sadly, I will never understand this drama, nor will understand how anyone could want to do this but I can however slightly understand this.

Rule 5: Anytime you see Nate Robinson actually sneak past the guides and be allowed to ride any roller coaster at Six Flags, please alert an authority figure. In all honesty this is how people get hurt, and that is never fun. Seriously though, if you want to take a shot when Nate Robinson does something, how about every time he looks like a legit NBA player and not some side show out there to get people to watch. I have it from other sources that this is what happens when Nate Robinson gets water on him, so hopefully he does not work up a sweat tonight. (Whew. I just remembered to work up a sweat you actually have to play. Good thing Robinson will not be doing any of that tonight.)

Rule 6: This has to be the easiest one to peg, but anytime Isiah Thomas is mentioned do yourself a favor and finish the rest of whatever it was you were drinking. If the announcers have started talking about Isiah Thomas during the game then there really is not much more to discuss due to the Hawks dominating on the scoreboard or the Knicks showing their incompetency through their terrible roster. Sadly, both of these are likely to occur which will help as the end of the game and your bottle draws near.

If you are at the Hawks game and have played this drinking game, now you have built up enough confidence to go hit on our great A-Town Dancers. If you are like me, and you might need some more alcohol to get the guts to ask them out, just be prepared to get the response that I get - a look as if they cannot hear what you are saying, followed by a personal escort to the nearest exit.